GI JOE Porn Story: Three Shorts Chapter 1

Alright, people. I
want your full attention on this. Duke gave the group of Joes his
most stern glareeyebrows drawn together, lips pressed flat in a
stern frown; the whole nine yards. Lady Jaye knew that look and
immediately straightened in her chair. Most of the others continued
to chatter, throw paper airplanes, and in general act like an unruly
group of elementary school students at assembly. Your full
attention! Duke barked, catching the eyes of a few members of the
team who, were this truly school, might be considered the special
students.

Duke shook his head and
muttered under his breath. Lady Jaye and the others in the front row
could make out the words KP duty and give em to Beach
Head. Duke cleared his throat. The generals have long been
considering adding a psychologist as a permanent member of the team.
Hawk and I have discussed it, and we agreed that a professional
psychiatric evaluation of the team might tell us whether or not this
is necessary.

Oh, come on, Duke!
You already know were crazy! Ace yelled.

The sergeant continued,
pretending not to hear Aces comment. We have called in Doctor
Steinherz as an outside expert. Hell be here for the next three
daysI expect everyone to be on their best behavior and to treat
the Doctor as you would a visiting General. He paused, looking
like he regretted his decision already. Any questions?

Lady Jaye raised her
hand, and at Dukes nod asked, Is Doctor Steinherz going to
simply observe us, or actually conduct exams?

He will begin by
only observing, but may, if necessary, call individuals into my
office for an interview and or psychiatric evaluation. Duke
scanned the group, but no one else seemed to have questions.
Dismissed. Doctor Steinherz will be here tomorrow morning.

The group of Joes
scattered, eager to return to their usual evening activities. Duke
caught Lady Jayes eye and gestured her over. She approached her
CO, having some idea what he was about to ask.

Lady Jaye, youre
our personnel clerkI almost hate to ask, but Id like you to be
Doctor Steinherzs guide while hes here. Im not supposed to
interfere with his work; Hawk thinks that if Im around all the
time, the Joes wont be themselves. He sighed. Which I
think wouldnt be a bad thing, butdo you mind keeping an eye on
the doctor? Make sure he doesnt get lost, help him read the duty
roster and so on?

She read into the
pleading look on his face. The unspoken message was: Steer him
clear of Aces poker games, the motor pool, Shipwreck, and anything
else that might be a black mark against the team. She smiled and
nodded her understanding. Yes, sir. I think I can manage.

The doctor, a rather
rotund, balding man in his mid-fifties, watched the exercises without
blinking, continually mumbling and jotting notes on his clipboard.
Lady Jaye attempted to engage the doctor in conversation, but the man
apparently wasnt a talker. She also tried to catch a glimpse of
whatever he was writing, but he caught her at it immediately and
retreated a few paces with a haughty sniff. She shrugged and gave
him a wry smile. He furrowed his brows and scribbled on the
clipboard, repeatedly glancing between her and the paper. It was
very unnerving, but eventually PT was over, and Lady Jaye suggested
they head toward the cafeteria.

Lunch was a disaster.
Somehow Gung-Ho had been wrangled into cooking, and as usual he had
prepared his bone-searing gumbo. Most of the Joes were used to the
spicy fare by now, and some even considered it a pleasant change from
tasteless MREs. Lady Jaye watched the doctor load his plate. Um,
sir, you might want to go easy on Gung-Hos gumboits got
quite a kick. The man gave her a bland stare and took another
ladleful.

Hey, this guy knows
good food when he smells it, Jaye, Gung-Ho quipped from behind the
counter. The doctor looked up, seeming to notice the Cajun for the
first time. He raised his eyebrows and pulled a small notebook from
an inside pocket. Gung-Ho stared in disbelief as the man wrote a
lengthy paragraph about him before putting the notebook away and
continuing toward the tables.

Lady Jaye held back a
moment to give Gung-Ho a reassuring smile, then turned to follow the
doctor. She realized too late that he was heading directly toward
the table containing Airtight, Tripwire, Bazooka, Alpine, Low Light,
and Shipwreck. She couldnt think of a worse group that could be
on base together at once. She took a seat across from the doctor,
trying unobtrusively to warn the others with a fierce look that they
needed to cut the usual stupid chatter. But of course these guys
wouldnt understand a message not delivered with a kick to the
shin.

Hey! Its the
good doctoruh Shipwreck fumbled for the mans name.

Sternheart,
Bazooka supplied.

Its Steinherz,
dummy, Alpine corrected, giving Bazooka a jab in the shoulder.

Rock heart,
Tripwire commented. The others stared at him uncomprehendingly.
Its German, he added. Steinherz means rock heart,
or heart of rock, I guess. I just love etymology.

Isnt that the
study of insects? Airtight asked.

No, thats
entomology, Low Light answered. Etymology is the study of word
origins.

Lady Jaye wished she
could bang her head on the table. Or shoot the lot of them. Or
both. None of the guys seemed to care that the doctor was scribbling
furiously in his notebook. He hadnt even touched his food.

Whatcha writin,
doc? Shipwreck asked, leaning over toward the man. Doctor
Steinherz pulled his notebook away, his large eyebrows conveying his
displeasure at the intrusion. He tucked the notebook into its pocket
with exaggerated care, then lifted his spoon to his mouth.

It took about five
seconds for the heat to kick in. Doctor Steinherzs face turned
first pink, then purple. His eyes flew wide open, and he gasped,
Water!

He grabbed the nearest
glass of clear liquid, putting it to his lips. Airtight only had
time to shout, Thats not before the doctor sprayed the
mouthful in a fine mist all over Lady Jaye. Doctor Steinherz managed
a strangled chirp before toppling backwards off of his chair.

Lady Jaye leapt to her
feet at the same time as Tripwirewho had grabbed a glass of
milkbut Tripwire was closer. He made it nearly to the doctors
side just as Shipwreck scooted his chair back for a better look.
Tripwires foot tangled in the chair leg, and he and the glass of
milk went sprawling over the psychiatrist. It had the unfortunate
effect of causing the doctor to spew up his stomachs contents just
as Lady Jaye made it around the table.

For almost an entire
minute, the only sound in the cafeteria was that of Doctor Steinherz
sputtering and coughing. The other Joes stopped their own chatter to
glance up at the commotion. Shipwreck was hitting the doctor on the
back, and Low Light had taken off at a dead run, presumably to get
Doc. Lady Jaye looked down at her soiled uniform and could only
think, Dukes going to kill me.

A crowd gathered as the
two fallen men sat up. Lady Jaye looked up at Airtight. What was
in that glass? Was it poisonous?

It was only
glycerin, Airtight replied with a shrug.

Please tell me it
wasnt nitroglycerine, she growled. The doctors eyes grew
huge, and he immediately stopped moving. Shipwreck backed away
hastily.

Nah, just the
regular kind, the bomb expert replied.

In the ensuing silence,
Tripwire commented, Glycerin. From the Greek word, gylkys,
meaning sweet. Lady Jaye turned a furious glare on him. What?
He replied. Im just saying its totally non-toxic. Its
used as a sweetener.

Lady Jaye fixed her
attention back on the doctor. Im sure youll be fine, she
reassured him. Do you need anything?

Doctor Steinherzs
breathing had returned to almost normal. He shook his head
emphatically and stood shakily.

Low Light returned with
Doc in tow. Did someone poison our guest already? Doc asked
calmly. He removed a few supplies from his bag, turning toward the
psychiatrist. Or was it just Gung-Hos gumbo?

He took a sip of
glycerine, Airtight told him. But then he spit it out all over
Lady Jaye.

Then I tripped and
fell on him, Tripwire added.

And he puked all
over Lady Jaye, Shipwreck finished.

Is that all? Doc
asked, smiling. Well, thats certainly nothing to worry about.
He returned his equipment to his bag, preparing to leave. Let me
know if you start seeing spots, he said with a smile, And if
you see any pictures in them.

Doctor Steinherz stared
at him, mouth hanging open. He didnt even bother to reach for his
notebook. Without a word, he turned and walked from the room.

He wasnt nearly
killed, Airtight stage-whispered. Lady Jaye smacked him on the
head, aware of the expression on Dukes face. They had already
explained what had happened, but it hadnt helped.

Duke focused his
attention on Airtight. You dont get to speak. He ran a
hand through his already mussed hair. Doctor Steinherz refused to
stay any longer, and from what I heard of his muttering, hes going
to recommend that the entire team be thrown in the nuthouse. After
the fiasco at lunch today, I very nearly agree with him. And thats
not even taking into consideration that you were all eating Gung-Hos
cooking.

Duke stopped pacing and
leaned toward his very attentive audience. Obviously Hawk wont
let anything happen to the team. However, his voice lowered, and
the Joes in the back of the room had to strain to hear. We are
without a doubt going to have a psychologist assigned to the team
now. And if he ever tells me to put one of you in a straight jacket,
Im not going to argue.