By: Cadet Deming
Well, now that Ive
had so much free time with Hurricane Wilma wiping southern Florida
into the Stone Age, heres my belated Halloween story. Rated PG-13
for strong language. I dont own the Joes, Devils Due and Hasbro
do so please dont sue, I work for pitbull litigation attorneys so
you wouldnt want to go up against me in court anyhow.
Zartan raced through
the channels on the giant plasma television. Most of his possessions
were stolen, acquired through blackmail, or had fallen off the back
of a truck, so he tended to treat them roughly, including the remote
control. Finally, a familiar face filled the screen.
I kidnap this guy before, Zarana, he asked his sister sitting
how would I know? I only remember the checks from jobs, not the
people, she said.
middle-aged newscaster with a bushy mustache and smug manner filled
Good evening ladies
and gentleman. This is Hector Ramirez of ABC4. In the latest news,
Hurricane Zeta, the 47th named hurricane of the season, is
heading straight towards Florida. Its the 32nd Level 5
hurricane this year. Meteorologists at this time dont know where
or when its going to make landfall, but well continue to scare
the hell out of everyone south of Tallahassee with 24/7 coverage
because it means better ratings for our station. On a related note,
the National Hurricane Center has run out of letters of the English
and Greek alphabets, so the next tropical storms will be named after
signs of the Chinese Zodiac.
urricane? Bloody hell, we just recovered from the last one. Its
right before Halloween, shouldnt the season be over by now!
storms can hit until November 30, remember? I dont mind it. Itll
probably weaken to a Category 1 by the time it hits our compound here
in the Everglades. No harm, no problem. Just like Katrina. The power
in nearby cities will go out for a day or two, which will give the
other Drednoks some great looting opportunities. Civilians are such
wimps, the moment they lose electricity, they get all soft and
panicky and ripe for robbery. Its like taking Reeses Peanut
Butter Cups from a 3 month old.
actually liked hurricanes. Although he liked to be in control of his
own surroundings, he thrived on other peoples chaos. Storms gave
him an opportunity to exploit others weakness.
aside from Katrina killin thousands of people, leavin the
others homeless, and wipin out an entire city.
but so long as Im not affected, I cant say I care. Not my
problem. Besides, in life there are two kinds of people; the hunters
and the prey. I prefer to be the former.
a difference between bein a lion and bein a hyena. Going after people
who have lost their homes is low, even for us.
I recall half the things in your closet coming from a power outage in
the Palm Beach Versace boutique after Ivan
Versace store was Hurricane Charley. Chanel was Hurricane Ivan. And I
shoplifted those fair and square from a store, not a family. Besides,
looting poor people is bad cause theyve got nothin good to steal.
cant argue with that logic, he sneered sarcastically.
I hope your right about this bein a weak one. I dont think we
could handle anything heavier.
wouldnt worry about it. Ive designed this place too well.
Nothing will happen. Trust me.
12 Hours Later
The room was pitch
I cant see nothin. Someone grab a flashlight, said Zarana.
crashes echoed in the darkness.
Everyone stay still until I can get my bearings and some lights on.
Zarana. Torch. Buzzer. Are you all here? said Zartan.
voices called out, echoing.
Good. Am I
Your own brother, said a voice in a British accent similar to
frowned. Although normally he preferred darkness, finding safety and
stealth under its protective cover, this was different in its
totality. The underground lair he built shielded out any of the
star, moon, or man-made light hed taken for granted.
Dont any of you
morons have a bloody flashlight?
we have flashlights. In the weapon supply room, said Zandar.
get em, said Buzzer, a blonde Drednok with a greasy ponytail.
was a sound of loud crashing as he tripped over something in the
careful you fool, said Zartan.
I remember the door bein to the right, I never thought Id have to
memorize whereoh hey here it is. Except the button that opens it
is electronic too.
made some clanging and banging noises.
We need a crowbar to get this thing open without power.
got crowbars. In the weapon supply room, said Zandar.
So Im stuck surrounded by morons, said Zartan.
you design this place with any back-up generators? asked Zarana.
Why would I pay for my own power when I could steal it from a nearby
city for free?
cant argue with that logic, said Zarana.
I got a good idea how we can see, said a voice from behind.
I dont see how any idea coming from you could possible be good,
a blowtorch flamed on, held by a scruffy-looking man with a
Ya bloody moron, you almost set me on fire, said Buzzer.
I didnt know you was right there.
can someone so common have so little common sense? Why do I always
have such idiots working for me? said Zartan.
fine Mr. I designed a totally electric base in hurricane land and
locked the flashlights in the supply closet, said Zarana.
lowered the flame on his blowtorch.
lower it too much. Thats the only light weve got, said
dont wanna waste the air that it runs on. Hey, wait a second.
Zartan, you didnt get the air supply from the same place ya got
the electricity, did you?
Yeah, he steals it from nearby towns cause its cheaper than
buying his own, said Zarana.
said, Well actually, I designed this compound to be impervious to
any military assaults. It can withstand artillery, nuclear, and
biological warfare attacks.
warfareas inthis place is airtight? asked Zandar.
Oh, bloody hell!
So if we dont get power back soon, were going to run out of
oxygen said Buzzer.
TO BE CONTINUED